National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So) on Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan, LeBron James, White Sox and More
By Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Rich Ragains, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait (Feb 28, 2008) Doghouse Boxing
Hall of Fame horse trainer Sidney Watters Jr. has died at the age of 90. After a long illness, Watters was mercifully taken behind the barn and shot.

Gary Sheffield has lashed out at his former agent Scott Boras, calling him a "bad person." Which is the equivalent of Britney Spears saying that Lindsay Lohan is out of control.

260-pound Brewers slugger Prince Fielder has decided to stop eating meat. In a related story, Wisconsin will be tripling its dairy production.

The Florida Marlins have finally reached an agreement for a brand new stadium. The agreement is that the Dolphins and the Heat will never play there. Hopefully there'll be seating for all 300 Marlins fans. The ballpark will cost $515 million, raising the value of the franchise to $515 million.

White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen reportedly cursed over 1,000 times during a recent hour-long meeting. We'd air a bleeped version, but it'd sound like Morse code.

LeBron James' girlfriend is pregnant with the couple's third child, giving James the NBA record for most kids with the same woman.

San Antonio has acquired power forward Kurt Thomas from Seattle. The Spurs now have more veterans than the VFW.

And after 293 starts, golfer Brian Gay finally won a tournament. However, he's still not allowed to get married.
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