Random Howlings on American Idol, Hopkins, Calzaghe, Zab, Mosley and yes... CSI Miami
By Coyote Duran (March 19, 2008) Doghouse Boxing  
Howlings!! 20 of ‘em and they’re random as all hell! Some reasonable and others that just make you go “Wha?...” Yeah!! That’s what I’m trying to do here is make you all get together with your families, friends, cellmates, what have you, and fire up some discussion about boxing and whatever you want.

Hey, while you’re at it, try writing some Howlings too! It’s fun and part of a delicious and nutritious breakfast…well, maybe not nutritious…come to think of it, it really isn’t THAT good for you. But hey! Dig in and you’ll be
treated to meaningless minutiae involving my brand-new crappy pound-for-pound list, ignorant teenagers, Hopkins vs. Calzaghe, Bob Arum, ‘American Idol’ and ‘CSI: Miami’!

C’mon…did you really think I (or you) could get through a ‘Random Howlings’ without mentioning ‘CSI: Miami’ even once?

In light of such shake-ups over the past couple of weekends, my last who-really-gives-a-rat’s ass-pound-for-pound list has somewhat evolved. Just for yips and woofs, I’ll spare the gory details and give ya the list just for abbreviated Howlings’ sake:

1. Manny Pacquiao, 46-3-2 (35)
2. Floyd Mayweather Jr., 39-0 (25)
3. Joe Calzaghe, 44-0 (32)
4. Israel Vazquez, 43-4 (31)
5. Bernard Hopkins, 48-4 (32)
6. Miguel Cotto, 31-0 (25)
7. Ricky Hatton, 43-1 (31)
8. Kelly Pavlik, 33-0 (29)
9. Juan Manuel Marquez, 48-4-1 (35)
10. Rafael Marquez, 37-5 (33)
11. Wladimir Klitschko, 50-3 (44)
12. Nate Campbell, 32-5-1 (25)

Uh, oh…my “What the f**k does number one say?!” alarm just went off. Don’t kill me. Just discuss among thyselves in mature, calm contemplation…

March 24, 2008. A date of unparalleled importance to Your Favorite Howler…Yes, it’s the return of BRAND-NEW ‘CSI: MIAMI’ EPISODES!! Can you believe it? Now we’ll finally find out whether that bitch Julia had anything to do with Kathleen Newberry’s car going into the drink? And where’s Frank Tripp?! Is he in the trunk?...What? Hey, don’t tell me the writers’ strike didn’t take anything from you…

Yes, Nate Campbell is my #12. No, I’m not listing him as such just to fill out a list. If you recall, in my recent Doghouse Boxing P4P, I had Juan Diaz listed as my #10 of 12 entrants. Since then, Nate Campbell beat Diaz for the WBA/IBF and WBO belts. Now, since beating the best lightweight in the world, I don’t see why Campbell can’t be the 12th best fighter on my personal list. Look, anyone with an iota of sense knows that the best in any division isn’t always the world champion. Think Carlos Baldomir. When he was the legitimate World Welterweight Champion (after beating Zab Judah who won the Undisputed Championship from Cory Spinks), many fans STILL denied his status and claimed that Floyd Mayweather Jr. was the uncrowned champion for beating Judah for a red, tin belt. My point in calling Nate Campbell the 12th best fighter is that by beating Diaz, he had what it took to beat a seemingly unbeatable lightweight. That meant he was good enough. And that’s good enough for me…

I see Jenna Jameson is now doing PETA ads in ‘pleather.’ On PETA's official website, the official page for Jenna’s press release is titled ‘Jenna Jameson Wants You To Pleather Yourself.’ Well, how amathingly prethious ith that? What's funnier is that in the write-up itself, Jenna is said to be ‘known for being a strong, sexually aware woman.’ Wow, that's like saying I'm a connoisseur of fine sangrias…

Is there anyone or anything that can reasonably stop Manny Pacquiao? I honestly thought Juan Manuel Marquez was the end of Pacquiao’s road but here we are on the week following their rematch for the vacant The Ring Magazine World Junior Lightweight Championship and Pacquiao has another world championship laurel to call his own. Now, it looks like the new 130-pound champ is en route to facing David Diaz for Diaz’ WBC lightweight title on June 28. I mean, when does Pac-Man hit the wall? Will 135 pounds be too much for a fighter who started out at flyweight? Odds are, with the pace and path that Pacquiao has taken, Diaz might just be in for the fight of his life and, very possibly, the end of his title reign…

What the hell is it with suburbanite white teens and their flagrant use of the ‘N-word’? And, really, I’ve been noticing a select few adults doing it too? Now, I hadn’t a clue why many African-Americans would casually refer to themselves and others of the same ethnicity as such, but white kids who hop in and out of Abercrombie and Fitch while sucking down Monster energy drinks and flapping their lips about how ‘sex’ (not sexy, mind you) Chris Brown is? And don’t get me started on the all-of-a-sudden casual use of the word ‘Jew’ as a greeting between these same kids. If I were a betting man, I would put money on kids of the black and Jewish persuasion referring to themselves and each other as ‘vacant ignoramuses.’ You know, just to level the honorific playing field…

With Manny Pacquiao in the unenviable position of shared promotion between Golden Boy Promotions and Top Rank, his win became second fiddle to the post-fight pissing contest between GBP CEO Richard Schaeffer and Top Rank honcho Bob Arum. One thing Arum said in the middle of his diatribe struck me funny: “I don’t feel comfortable for the (World Junior Lightweight) title to be given out by a magazine, especially if I don’t have a part of ownership of the magazine.” So now, it’s back to being personal with Oscar De La Hoya. What else could it be? Arum didn’t bitch about Pacquiao (his own guy) winning Marquez’ WBC belt in the process. And he sure didn’t bitch about Kelly Pavlik winning The Ring’s recognized World Middleweight Championship from Jermain Taylor. Then again, Arum doesn’t share Pavlik with Oscar. What I wanna know is, when did boxing become less about the fighters and more about the egos of promotional firms?...

Dawn Wells, 69, who played Mary Ann on ‘Gilligan's Island’, pleaded guilty after being arrested in Idaho last October after cops allegedly witnessed her driving recklessly. It turns out that when the fuzz tossed her ride, they came across four half-smoked joints as well as cases allegedly used for a little extra doobie dust. Wells got five days in jail, six months probation and was fined $410.50. With the high cost of being prosecuted as well as what weed probably goes for now, I guess ‘Mary Jane’…I mean, ‘Mary Ann’ must be pulling in some pretty decent rerun residual coin these days…

A question from the overindulgence department: Did Michael Buffer REALLY need to introduce his CATCH-PHRASE last Saturday night?...

The ex-wife of former Beatle/eternal Coyote idol Paul McCartney, Heather Mills was awarded 48.6 million dollars from McCartney in their divorce settlement. I never, EVER thought I would say this…but I don’t think I’m ever gonna talk s#!t about Yoko Ono again. At least she loved John Lennon to the end and beyond...

So The Ring’s belt isn’t good enough for Bob Arum but the ‘Las Vegas Heavyweight Championship’ is?! According to a ‘Boxing Buzz’ blurb from our friends at FightNews.com, Top Rank is trying to put together a Tye Fields-Hasim Rahman fight for the slapdash alleged title. One down, 16 to go, Bob. I guess a magazine can’t give out a belt but a promoter sure as hell can...

Man, is that David Cook a badass or what? If you haven’t seen ‘American Idol’ yet this season, then you’ve been missing out on some pretty damn good talent from Irish-born Carly Smithson, the simply cute and sensitive Brooke White, uber-shrimp David Archuleta, soul-meister-who-really-can-throw-down-a-Beatles-hook Chikezie Eze and Cook himself who laid out ‘Day Tripper’ in immaculate fashion on Tuesday night. Cook said he’d patterned the rendition, complete with a Frampton-esque voice box solo, after a version that Whitesnake did. The difference is the natural-born rocker Cook rules. Whitesnake just sucked…

To any and all who decry Shane Mosley vs. Zab Judah, why shouldn't the fight happen? Judah's can still be dangerous and Mosley has enough for any welterweight to have a bad night. I think it's coming down to skills in this one and Mosley's got more, IMO. Knockout win? Nah. But don't think the fight won't be fun to watch. It'll just be Mosley's night, is all. And with as even tempered as Shane's dad, Jack is, we can be reasonably certain that there won't be any Dad vs. Dad throwdown between he and Yoel Judah...at least I hope not...

But ‘AI’ contestant Jason ‘Crazy-Lashes’ Castro is one of the most intriguing participants yet in that if or when he finally gets voted off, he’s so laid back, I don’t think he’s gonna give a s#!t one way or the other.

With the news of former WBC/WBA super middleweight titleholder Mikkel Kessler facing Edison Miranda comes the possibility of two scenarios: One, the smiling Dane will hammer away at ‘Pantera’ for 12 rounds ala Librado Andrade, taking an easy win and sending Miranda off to Journeymanland. Two: Out of nowhere, Miranda hammers the living hell out of Kessler, knocking him out within the first four rounds of battle and scaring the living hell out of the super middleweight division in the process. I’m selecting the former. See, there was a supposed reluctance in Kessler in accepting the match. Personally, I can’t see it. I don’t think Mikkel Kessler is afraid of any challenge. This isn’t to say that the loss to World Champion Joe Calzaghe didn’t strip Kessler of something besides his ‘0’ and two alphabet straps. It just didn’t strip him that badly…

According to many internet sources, actress Lindsay Lohan is flat busted. She also ain't got no money (BA-DUM-BUM!!). Supposedly, America's favorite overrated actress/drink sponge blew a mil on a hotel stay and spent $137,000 on rehab that went nowhere. Here's the funniest part: Lohan is allegedly squatting at the guest pad of Tom Gores, the executive producer of 'I Know Who Killed Me', which Lohan starred in. With the piece of crap that film turned out to be, that's the least he can do for her, I guess…

I’m not sure why but with the fight only a month away, I still haven’t the slightest notion as to who will leave a winner on April 19; The Ring World Light Heavyweight Champion Bernard Hopkins or Undisputed Super Middleweight Champion Joe Calzaghe. Right now, it’s a pick ‘em in every sense of the word. What’s dandy is that Hopkins’ world championship is indeed on the line and if Calzaghe wins, he gets to possess both belts as long as he chooses to defend them. A difficult task, maybe. If Calzaghe chooses to only keep the World Light Heavyweight Championship, that’s great too. At least we know that he did what he had to in order to be the best at 168. That’s hardly arguable and reminds us very much of the long road to recognition that Hopkins himself traveled en route to the Undisputed Middleweight Championship. Maybe that’s one of the things that make this fight so special. It’s two men cut from the very same cloth doing battle. Should Hopkins win, he’ll probably face the same derision he has since becoming Middleweight Champ. He hasn’t faced the best in his division. He hasn’t faced anyone who’s a natural denizen of his weight class. I can hear ‘em already. But whatever. It’s not like he gives a rat’s ass, anyway. He’s off to The Hall after his last hurrah and Joe probably is too. That’s good enough…

My wife and I are solidly convinced that the Fox Network realitrainwreck known as ‘The Moment of Truth’ will only be cancelled after someone offs him or herself in shame from being humiliated on the show. I have to wonder if when would-be contestants fill out their applications, does their personal info automatically go out to divorce attorneys and psychiatrists? And as uncomfortable as the contestant in the hot seat may be, there’s no one more uncomfortable than host Mark L. Walberg (who reportedly had to pass a polygraph test to get the job), who’s just one question closer from breaking down himself. Just watch him sometime. He’s just begging to scream, “Jesus! Just take the f**king $20,000 and save your marriage! For the love of God!...>sob!<” Poor bastard…

And for the uninformed, Maxboxing.com and Boxing Scene.com have officially joined forces in a major internet (Duh.) merger that will bring both top-notch boxing news sites and their writers together. How freaking cool is that? It’s so cool that even a long-time rival site known for its street-like, counterculture take on Our Sport reported the merger on its own news home page. That’s when you know the news is big. But how’s ‘Uncle’ Mike Katz REALLY taking it?...

And finally, it’s the return of BRAND-NEW ‘THE RICHES’ EPISODES!! Dahlia/Sherrie and the kids are on the run with their neighbor and just got taken hostage by the guy with big gun whose van they tried to nick! Dale killed (the real Doug and Sherrie Rich’s friend) Pete Mincey and he’s in the trunk! That rotten sonovabitch Dale knows who the Riches are and is blackmailing Wayne/Doug! And sadly enough, little Sam believes that money will make even the most family-splitting tragedies disappear. It’s genius at Eddie Izzard and Minnie Driver’s very best. TV Howl of Fame, baby…TV Howl of Fame.

Catch Coyote every Thursday night at 7 PM EST/6 PM Central for ‘Fightline with Coyote Duran’ only at www.primesportsnetwork.com.

Questions or comments,
e-mail Coyote at: artofthepaw@yahoo.com
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