Fandom Howlings: Drunk, Disillusioned, Delayed and Damn Yankee'd Inaugural Edition
By Coyote Duran, (Sept 13, 2008) Doghouse Boxing (Photo © German Villasenor)  
I was wrong again. What can I say? But the feeling was so gut, I couldn't help it! It was, like, one of those visions that hangs with you and defines itself further like a great script; the more you think about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah...Oscar De La Hoya's facing Manny Pacquiao in December. Don't remind me.

And, yeah, I got e-mails on my article insisting that Oscar would face Floyd Mayweather Jr. in a rematch and, yes, I was supposed to throw them in a mail bag and yes...perhaps in a funk about my
not-so-potent prediction, maybe I had a little too much sangria. In fact, I ran out. Then I ran out to Wal-Mart.

I hit the liquor aisle and, to my surprise, not a single jug of Carlo Rossi Sangria was to be found. Not one! Yeah, I'd say I was bummed. I went so far as to ask an associate (who happened to know who I was, curiously) what the deal was about having none of my favorite grape in stock. "Mr. Duran," Bertha (her name; I can't make this stuff up) said, "You drank it all."

"Whaddya mean, I drank it all?" Wasn't so impossible to believe, I guess. I thought the wine jug shelf had a dusty, empty spot where my batch o' red had previously resided. "Well, when ya gettin' some in?" I asked Bertha, with a tinge of melancholy in my voice.

"You're not getting it, Mr. Duran," Ms. Von Smartass replied, "You drank it in, like, no more from the vineyard; period."

After about 15 minutes of crying on Bertha's shoulder (it would've been longer but she had to go on break), I decided on a nice, slightly-less-of-an-alcohol-percentage Blush and went home. Luckily, I was thinking about bass guitars (one of my happy, mental items; besides my wife) and thought about how keen it would be to own a Hamer Sunburst Flattop (not to be confused with the Fight News guy) and it got me thinking about early '90s rock group Damn Yankees. After listening to both albums, I remembered, "Oh, sh_t. I have a mailbag to compile so I can willingly revisit my embarrassment about Oscar De La Hoya letting me down.”

Better late than never.

And I never saw Bertha again. I guess she was like that cowboy guy Sam Elliott played in 'The Big Lebowski'. Oh, just read on, dammit.

DHB writer Ken Hissner chimes in...

I agree. Oscar carried him rounds 8-11 in their first fight for this rematch and now he will be getting it. Though a 3rd match with Mosley would be interesting he isn't going in deep waters with Margarito or Williams. Never liked Floyd and can't stand Oscar much anymore.

Well, by now, we all know the route Oscar decided on and, for better or worse, that's what we're stuck with. I'd love to say that it's all a big ruse and that Floyd Jr.'s gonna pop outta the woodwork or even that Oscar's (thinking he's got the Manny fight in the ag-bay) not really gonna retire after the Pacquiao fight and then will call out a returned and ready Mayweather (which Oscar's already alluded to...the not retiring just yet; not the Mayweather part) but as Josey Scott sang, "I musta been wrong." Y'know, Crazy Ken (as Fight News' Rick Scharmberg refers to you. LOL!), that third Shane Mosley fight would've been ideal, probably pretty good and mega-easy to make but let's say Mosley wins again. What reactions await us and what consequences will transpire as a result? Oscar knows the risks of dissention and he's already lost Marco Antonio Barrera to (groan...) Don King. Any further loss of power dilutes Golden Boy Promotions even more. Oh, and you're preaching to the proverbial choir on alphabet titlists Antonio Margarito and Paul Williams. Williams could get the win via reasonable split decision, at the least, and Margarito wouldn't surprise me with a knockout win. De La Hoya's not going anywhere. And Oscar knows that but chooses to rationalize each business decision with the perfect spin. Against Pacquiao, he possibly beats the Pound-For-Pound Champion; although 147 is an absolute ungodly weight for 'Pac-Man'. But establishing the advantage is where it's at. To paraphrase Josey Scott (again), like The Bee Gees cry, Oscar's just stayin' alive.

My e-mail nemesis Robert Jackson offered:

Coyote, I AGREE! I don't always agree with you but this time I do! The key for me wasn't totally your article but when I read that Oscar said that "Pacquiao wasn't worth more than Mayweather" when he asked for a 60/40 split I KNEW something was up! Mayweather's LATE NITE workouts are also being leaked to the media to make fans and critics wonder what's going on. Wouldn't it be nice if HBO tied a condition to the PBF/ODLH II rematch stating the winner (Mayweather) must fight the Margarito/Clottey II winner (can't say it will be Margarito, Clottey MAY have Margo's number)? I'm one of the BIGGEST Mayweather fans but his legacy doesn't mean nothing if he doesn't KICK MARGARITO'S ASS in the ring! Margarito would offer Floyd the SAME challenge at 147lbs that Corrales offered Floyd at 130lbs! After Margarito I would accept a Berto beatdown and a final fight against Pacquiao either of which I don't see as fair fights where Mayweather is concerned! Pacquiao is quick and strong but isn't SKILLFUL enough, Berto is good but TOO HITTABLE for Floyd, Floyd would TAKE Berto to school! That's just 4 fights and PBF can call it a career and all of these fights would earn PBF $20M+ (mas o menos)!

Well, Robbo, my man, apparently my convoluted theory was just that: convoluted...Until further notice, that is. And Pacquiao was worth more than a Mayweather rematch but will The Golden Boy have his cake and eat it too; should he not retire; post-Pac? Woof, wouldn't the stipulation to a Floyd-Oscar rematch be awesome? I mean, no one's gonna sign should they not dig the terms. Also, that would make HBO look like an alphabet body...although the network DOES have the right amount of letters in its name...Hmm...

But if we all possessed a Jedi Mind Trick, I'm sure we'd all channel it toward the winner vs. Margarito; had Floyd met Oscar again. In comparing Margarito at welter to The Late And Dearly Departed Diego Corrales at junior lightweight, in regards to facing Floyd, do you really think Margarito would be that easily manhandled by 'Money May'? It's not that easy to see but I guess it's how you look at it. I don't think it's that cut-and-dried. Agreed on Andre Berto. I'm on the fence about Mayweather-Pacquiao but agree 100% about Pac's skill level compared to Mayweather's.

But hey, that extra 20 mil you propose can buy a man some new rocks to substitute the ones that got nicked while sitting on the dishwasher or the John or wherever they were when Deebo or whoever broke in.

Lamarr Willis writes:

you need a new profession.

Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?...Hee hee...I've always wanted to say that. Lamarr, you made a young boy's dream come true. :)

Brian McCulley thinks I'm smart...Poor, deluded fan...

Smart man, after Cotto lost, it had to be Floyd! The drama with father/son will be huge. A second fight back to back would not be as big a draw without Floyd's retirement. Floyd going for Manny right after the Oscar fight will have fans going nuts with him avoiding Margarito. Best case scenario is that Paul Williams beats Margarito and can't make welter again. I heard he's having problems already. We'll see what happens but undoubtedly Floyd fights Oscar in December. Good work on the article!

Thanks, Bri-man...I just wish I was the genius my mom told me I was. :( I could've sworn I was right about Mayweather-De La Hoya II and I can see you thought so as well. And Floyd ain't going within 20 feet of Margarito, win, lose, retire, go out for dinner...none of it paves the way for Margarito-Mayweather. Then again, my article went bust in its prediction (See how I blamed it on the article and not my crappy theory? Genius, I tell you!) so I very well could be wrong about Mayweather's leanings toward 'The Tijuana Tornado.' I don't know...If I get one more surprise, I might just have a coronary. As for Williams, later this month sees 'The Punisher' taking on 17-1 (12) middleweight Andy Kolle in a 10-rounder. Is it difficult for Williams to make welter these days? Hey, if he's jumping two weight classes to test the waters at 160, I'm thinking he's making a career choice here.

What kind of duck likes boxing and badly thought-out articles? A Treeduck; that's who!:

Hey Coyote that was a very good article, nice use of the X-files/Illuminati/four horsemen stuff and plus points for the Great White bass player gag, I'm not a fan myself but they should get a mention now and then shouldn't they? I'm more of a Kiss freak to be honest, among others...I like the who? who? who? thing too, nicely done...

I always thought Mayweather fancied a Pac fight, if the DLH fight comes off that's what I think'll happen and I bet it happens either way...


Pat (aka treeduck on doghouse)

Treeduck! Dude, sorry about screwing the pooch on my idea. It sounded so good on paper; at the time...

Mayweather fancying a Pacquiao fight? you think he can really beat Manny or does he quietly think he can't but chooses to say that the styles aren't right or that Manny isn't worth the money he would ask to fight Floyd? It's gotta be something because I think Floyd would find an excuse at this point. I thought maybe Mayweather would face Pacquiao in a GBP vengeance match after De La Hoya. But logic dictates that Mayweather will go for (who he deems as) the 'easy marks'; should he come back. I still see the Berto fight happening or maybe even a Steve Forbes or...I'm really grasping at straws here...a Zab Judah rematch. Y'know...Just to do Zab a favor and give him a chance to redeem himself, yewnowhahmsang?

And you know what's nuts? I tried out for Great White in '92 to fill in the bass player slot after Tony Montana left. Man, I played five tunes with a cover band while Jack Russell, Mark Kendall and Audie Desbrow (who has a link to Oscar De La Hoya himself...can you guess?) did the judging from seats across the stage. I killed but I think they had Teddy Cook, formerly of Dio, picked already; though Dave 'The Beast' Spitz played on '92's release 'Psycho City.' Sucked to fail, man. ESPECIALLY after I rocked my custom fretless on 'Lovin' Kind'...

But the bus has to roll on...LOL!

Is it Peter Allen...or perhaps Hugh Jackman with an axe to grind?:

God I pray your wrong, for the good of Boxing Fraud and Delahoya should never fight again. I’ve never heard more people disappointed with a so called super fight in my life. I knew it was going to be garbage and tried to warn people but they fell for the hype. I still haven’t watched and never would, not even for free. Three fights have really destroyed boxing. The Hagler –Leonard fight, (I’ve heard so many people say they stopped watching Boxing after that fight, they felt Hagler got ripped off, Hagler was more popular then the establishment realized especially after his performances against Mugabi and Hearns, people didn’t like seeing this great champion getting screwed), the bite fight with Tyson and Holyfield (people felt they paid their money and got ripped off) and the May weather and Delahoya fight, (All I heard after this fight was casual Boxing fans saying they would never shell out money for a fight again). These two guys are boring (where not talking Pryor and Arguello here) and they don’t mix it up. Mayweather is just like Pernel Whitaker all defense and no offense, there is no entertainment value to watching him fight, or Hopkins or Winky. I sure miss the days when we had great fighters like Pryor, Saad Muhammad, Arguello, Hearns, Hagler, Holyfield, Barkley and others, guys who could box but could brawl and fight also, those days are gone, thank God for MMA , because of guys like May weather , that is my new favorite sport.

Dammit. So it's YOUR fault, Pete (By the way, you were FABULOUS on 'I Could Have Been A Sailor'...J/K)!

Frankly, I think a lot of fans take things way too seriously in Our Sport because a lot of fans feel they can't be taken seriously. Things happen. Injustices happen. Sometimes we get ripped off and sh__ty cards come off. And sometimes, we get pure boxers who might bore the f__k out of us.

And sometimes we get MMA/UFC who steals Our Thunder. And that's an easy out for Our Sport's frustrated masses. Mixed Martial Arts is promotionally doing everything right by getting prime network exposure and promising brutal, action-packed exchanges. Hey, I have absolutely nothing against MMA/UFC. It's not my thing; stylistically, and that's one of the things that KEEPS me a fan of boxing. Another thing? The fact that I know that, whether it's tomorrow, next weekend, next month or next year, there's gonna be a fight that makes being a boxing fan worth it. History truly does repeat itself; and whether or not we choose to admit it, we're gonna see something in the ring that's gonna make us fall in love all over again. That, my excellent friend, is a guarantee.

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