Dog Bites: Ranting and Raving – Edition 7
Ranting and Raving by Aaron Imholte (August 8, 2005) 
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Why must they do this to me? Why must the people who are responsible for what goes on PPV taunt me like this? Is it supposed to be this easy to absolutely rip apart the one entity that has done more to ruin boxing than any other (besides Tonya Harding)? Let me hold that thought for just one minute as to avoid giving away the content of this week’s Ranting and Raving. There is a lot on my mind fight fans. So pull up a chair and take a break from cubicle life for one second because I’ve got some venting to do.

Less for your $39.95: Only one thing made me angrier than hearing that I would have to pay 40 dollars if I wanted to see Andrew Golota take on Przemyslaw Saleta. That was hearing that Oliver McCall would be stepping in for Golota this Saturday on the Rahman-Barrett undercard! These two (McCall and Saleta) have a combined 77 years of life experience between them, not to mention that not even Fox Sports Net would put these two old-timers on. What, was Henry Akinwande busy? Maybe he and Kenny Craven want to get it on August 13th, it would seem to fit the pattern.

PPV was starting to get its reputation back with some good shows including Mayweather-Gatti and Hopkins-Taylor. But leave it to Don King to spray his heavyweight fecal matter all over the PPV boxing world. Ok, we get it, Rahman wants the belt back and Monte Barrett is a good guy and a hard worker, but please don’t make good, honest hard working boxing fans foot the bill for heavyweight mediocrity!

Mayorga-Piccirillo is an interesting fight, but not good enough to save this card from dismal PPV numbers and harsh criticism. Which brings me to ask the question, how much does Ricardo Mayorga have left after that vicious middleweight thumping he took from Felix Trinidad?

Remember when Don King put on his last big heavyweight card? The one where he weighed Kali Meehan, Larry Donald, and Evander Holyfield among others on that truck scale? I finally realized what he was doing the whole time! He was showing us how much it will cost us per pound to watch terrible, fat heavyweights rumble. But I digress and I think I have made my point.

Big deal, so he might break a promise: Was anyone surprised when Bernard Hopkins said he might fight past his 41st birthday and in doing so break his promise to his late mother? I wasn’t. Especially after the split-decision was read following his 12 round title bout with Jermain Taylor. Bernard has a lot of self pride. He wants his belt back more than he wants to retire at 41. Hey, B-Hop is a grown man and if he can wait until 41 until he gets another crack at the title at 160 and fighting again against Winky Wright so be it! Let a promise slide for a month or so, we owe him that much for the years of service he has given us, the spectators of this great sport.

Porn is NOT boxing: I always thought the folks at the Dog Pound were some of the most knowledgeable boxing fans alive. I thought that way until the most visited thread on our message board was made up of Mike Tyson’s shlong hanging out all over the page. Call me a Mormon, but I don’t want my boxing news sources covered with pictures of Iron Mike’s iron. It was bad enough he force fed us two lousy fights with two lousy bums only to remind us that Mike Tyson the world beater died in Japan 15 years ago.

But Mike has the most psychotic fan base this side of Neverland Ranch and I have no doubt that you will find a bigger line at the XXX video store than you would at a polling place on election day if Tyson were to ever make an ‘adult film’.

Tyson can’t even get retirement right can he? Why can’t he just do what most retired fighters do and either get fat or hawk cooking grills and mufflers, or both in some cases.

Bottom line, porn is not boxing. If Mike Tyson and Frank Bruno want to have their third fight in Briana Banks’ bedroom, that is the porn industry’s business, don’t waste hard working boxing writers’ time with this garbage. (Side note: Jenna Jameson’s people have denied talking to Mike about making a film so maybe this whole thing will die.)

Toney-Guinn: Well boy wonder, next big thing, or as HBO called him ‘the greatest American heavyweight since Riddick Bowe’, will get one more chance to prove he has the heart and smarts to let his hands go and use his arsenal when he meets the fresh off suspension James Toney on October 1st on Showtime.

This can only be a dangerous tune up for Toney if Dominick Guinn remembers how he fought against Michael Grant and Duncan Dokiwari. My money says he won’t but in the rare case that Guinn relocates his stones in time for his date with ‘Lights Out’ it could turn out to be one of the more competitive fights in the heavyweight division this year.

I remind you though that James Toney was one trip to the bathroom away from being the WBA heavyweight champion of the world, so if Guinn thinks he can go from a draw with Friday Ahunanya to a top ten contender overnight, he had better hope that James Toney gets very old very fast, or that there is a major shakeup in his mindset and corner before October 1st. My prediction: James Toney pitches a shutout 120-108.

And before I leave… No Juarez-Chi: AHHHHH!!! They did this to me with Juan Diaz-Ebo Elder. I was really looking forward to that fight and an injury is going to put it off. Now instead of vegging out in front of the TV for a fight I had planned on watching since it was signed, I have to drag my lazy butt out and about that Saturday night. Fantastic! Now to make it up to me the matchmakers have to put a proposed fight between Diaz and Acelino Freitas on the same card as Juarez-Chi and not charge me a pretty penny for it. Of course there is a reason why I don’t book cards for Showtime and HBO, they would go broke, but hey, the masses at the Dog Pound would be happy.

Also See:
Dog Bites: Ranting and Raving, Edition 1
Dog Bites: Ranting and Raving, Edition 2
Dog Bites: Ranting and Raving, Edition 3
Dog Bites: Ranting and Raving, Edition 4: Klitschko Brothers, Ouma
Dog Bites: Ranting and Raving, Edition 5: Top 10 Pound for Pound
Dog Bites: Ranting and Raving, Edition 6: Toney, Lacy, Klitschko...
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