National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So) on China, Nick D'Arcy, Miami Heat, Bud Selig, HGH and much more
By Written by Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Adam Hofstetter, Ryan Murphy, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait (April 2, 2008) Doghouse Boxing  
Chinese President Hu Jintao presided over the re-lighting of the Olympic torch in Beijing. Thankfully, no Tibetans were set on fire.

Australian Olympic swimmer Nick D'Arcy was charged Monday with assault following a nightclub altercation in Sydney. Apparently swimming isn't the only thing he does like a fish.

In an embarrassing loss to the Celtics, the Miami Heat scored just 17 times from the floor while racking up just 62 points. On the positive side, the WNBA has expressed interest in adding the Heat as an expansion franchise.

And commissioner Bud Selig has confirmed that Major League Baseball is hard at work on a more reliable HGH test. The league will be flagging any player who looks their bobblehead doll. Whatever the new test is, it will probably be more rigorous than Selig's last test, which consisted mainly of multiple choice.

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