National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So) on Dancing with the Stars, Balco, Pacers, Miami Heat and much more
By Written by Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Adam Hofstetter, Ryan Murphy, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait (April 4, 2008) Doghouse Boxing  
BALCO founder Victor Conte is reportedly writing a book. The first draft was only 5 chapters, but Conte knows a guy who can beef it up.

Pedro Martinez left his first start with a leg injury. That pop everyone heard wasn't his hamstring. It was Johan Santana's back as it adjusted to the weight of the team.

Wrigley Field's new statue of Ernie Banks is displayed so most fans can see it from any point in the ballpark. And if they're wearing authentic Harry Caray glasses, they can see it from space.

The Pacers' Jermaine O'Neal returned versus the Miami Heat this week. We cannot confirm this since no one here wanted to watch the Pacers play the Heat.

And Dolphins standout Jason Taylor continues to impress on Dancing With the Stars. Probably because with the way things are going in Miami, he needs something to fall back on.

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