National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So) on the Olympic Torch, Cleveland Browns, Penn State and much more
By Written by Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Adam Hofstetter, Ryan Murphy, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait (April 7, 2008) Doghouse Boxing  
The Olympic torch arrived in Kazakhstan amid tight security. The extra police effort was necessary since it was the first time many people there had seen a technology as sophisticated as fire.

Injured Olympic equestrian Darren Chiacchia was moved to a Buffalo hospital to begin the next stage of his rehab. If that doesn't work doctors will take him behind the barn and shoot him.

Cleveland Browns defensive back Kenny Wright was arrested after leading police on a quarter-mile foot chase. The Browns might cut him, but the Bengals want to sign him to replace Chris Henry.

And a Penn State basketball player is facing charges for pleasuring himself in the school library. At first we didn't believe the story - it's been a while since a Penn State basketball player was in a library. He might represent himself - he's clearly got the ability to get himself off.

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