National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So) on Michael Vick, Derek Jeter, Steroids, NHL, Andy Roddick and much more
By Written by Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Adam Hofstetter, Ryan Murphy, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait (April 10, 2008) Doghouse Boxing  
The Tampa Bay Lightning have landed the No. 1 pick in the NHL's draft lottery. It's like winning the real lottery, only without the glamour, excitement, or will to live.

Andy Roddick is planning to marry 20-year-old model Brooklyn Decker. Be careful Andy - just when you really grow to love her, she'll move across the country and become Los Angeles Decker.

Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter left a game against the Tampa Bay Rays with a strained left quadriceps. Luckily there's no shortage of women willing to nurse him back to health.

Federal authorities are investigating a former Cowboys offensive lineman for allegedly distributing steroids. The top cops hope to wrap up the case shortly so they can return to their regular job of keeping an eye on the Cincinnati Bengals.

And Michael Vick is reportedly playing quarterback for his prison.

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