Happy New Year Bitch
By Martin Wade (Jan 4, 2007)
“Ya’ll Roll Blunts I smoke Cubans all Day” – Jay Z, “Thirty Something”

If 2006 taught us anything it’s that life is for the living and it ain’t over till you’re dead and gone. Even yours truly became a personal trainer at the tender age of 38. From my vantage point 2006 was the year of the grumpy old man in boxing and none was more truculent than James ‘Lights Out’ Toney. Pay no mind to Bernard Hopkins’ cunning ‘one off’ mugging of fellow G.O.M. Antonio Tarver. Toney spent the better part of 2006 shrugging hydro bombs from natural heavyweights. Try to rap your mind around this, boxing fan – Roy Jones knocked off John Ruiz in 2003 and we lauded him for it, he then hightailed it back to the light heavyweight division. James Toney by comparison has been campaigning in the heavyweight division for three years! In those three years we’ve scrutinized his weight (233 and 237 in 2006), downloaded his tirades and contemplated when the Michigan native would hit the proverbial ‘wall’. In true ‘Lights Out’ fashion, James just kept talkin’ shit and givin fits. Hasim Rahman can attest to
that.

New Years Waistline?

In the first week of January every fitness facility in the country is filled to the brim with repentant souls. Yes, this is the time when the fattest nation in the world is stoked with the determination to be healthy, or ‘hot’, whichever comes first. In Samuel Peter, James Toney was finally faced with an instrument of blunt force, someone strong enough to make him consider reform. Back on September 2nd the young bull did more for Freddy Roach’s “I wish he would come in a little lighter” soft-shoe than any nutritionist could. My mamma used to say, “funny how a little heat on yo ass can change yo mind”. Don’t get me wrong, I had James winning that fight but Peter hurt James more than once. Now, the old master is encouraged to come in fit not just to hit Peter more but to do what most smart fighters do and get the hell out of the way. Enter Billy Blanks, the fitness guru we can actually see James respecting. I mean honestly did anyone see James respecting a little dude like Mackie Shilstone? The proof will be in the pudding come Saturday night as James has even cut down on high-energy shit talking (that always pooped me out) for this Showtime main event.

Do I see James coming in a ripped 202lbs, looking like a yoked up ‘71 version of Smoking Joe? No dice, James couldn’t replicate that solid physique in the Ali movie so don’t expect it Saturday. I don’t even see him looking as good as the 217lb version of himself that spanked the Real Deal back in 2003. Remember, he’s a grumpy old man and the issue of weight should be handled with care. Losing too much weight just to achieve a ‘look’ may leave him lethargic and the key is to be solid with increased mobility. Don’t expect any definition this Friday, but do expect due diligence. I expect him at 229 or 230 and trust me, those 7 or 8 pounds mean a lot when you’re talking about a short stocky frame.

What do I see?

James will take Samuel Peter to school again, end of story, mark it down, it’s a wrap. Peter is similar to Jermain Taylor, we see so much more and we want him to be so much more but he is what he is. In my opinion the young heavyweight was probably as savvy as he’s ever going to get in the first fight and he still got schooled. He showed a surprising jab but still got countered when James chose to do so. Think Taylor-Hopkins 2, we want the fresh blood, we’re primed for a coronation but in the face of sublime skills we usually sober up by round 8. The only difference is James will call us all punk ass bitches once the balloon is busted. In my opinion James Toney’s acquiesce to the concept of cardio put this fight in the bag. Samuel Peter is the fighter with the weight problem because he’s naturally big enough to make excuses for coming in so heavy. When he shunned working with Teddy Atlas that raised an eyebrow for me. Not because Teddy Atlas is an all time great but because Atlas has the juice to call it like he sees it. And that’s too damn heavy; a hunter must be quick enough to chase down his prey so carrying extra baggage only hinders the process. ‘Lights Out’, even when bloated on pastries, can fight all night with the pulse of a 120lb marathoner. Now imagine him in even moderate condition, can you see the young buck wearing him down coming in again at 257?

Rocky Balboa

Without giving too much away, and freely admitting that I am in no way shape or form a cinematic snob, I say this – go see Rocky Balboa. Now before you run to the theatre remember this is coming from a brotha who’s favorite all time flick is Cooley High. Why did they kill Cochise man?!!! Some may complain that it moves too slowly but I say it raised the storytelling aspect of the Rocky character to another level. Stallone needed time to sift through the muck of the last installment and humanize (or humble) the aged pug. Intricate life issues are woven throughout the story (coping with loss, the passing of time, children as adults) and give Balboa a renewed underdog sentiment. And isn’t that what we really want from the Rock?

In my opinion, there was an emphasis on realism with real boxing people portraying themselves. If I have one criticism it is the absence of overt humor to season the often dank narrative. Nelly (or Roy Jones?) as a southern fried rap impresario to manage Tarvers’ ‘Mason Dixon’ character would have been hilarious. The writers would have had a field day writing funny ‘who’s on first?’ styled scenes for the two. Now boxing fans have to brace for Fiddy’s pugilistic offering later this year. Maybe Roger Mayweather can find a career training rappers after his nephew ‘retires’ in May.

More Grumpy Old Men, Vargas and the Cold War

Bernard Hopkins is entertaining fighting Roy Jones Jr. again, but this fight is all wrong for him. Roy’s still worlds quicker and his style will always give B-Hop fits. Mike Tyson went to jail. And? The next time I hear a misguided fan say ‘he’s what’s wrong with boxing’, I’m gonna scream. Mike Tyson is a screwed up person, not unlike a lot of people I know. He hasn’t been a boxer (by his own admission) since 1990. Vargas and Mayorga get a ‘cash out’ PPV after getting the hell kicked out of them in 2006; meanwhile Sugar Shane fights tough as nails Luis Collazo on free TV because Collazo was robbed last summer against Ricky Hatton. That robbery went down for the world to see on TV and Hatton vacated the division. That’s what’s wrong with boxing. The Top Rank/Golden Boy ‘Cold War’ must end; Barrera vs. Marquez will be more than entertaining but a pound-for-pound fighter ‘willing’ to fight shouldn’t be impeded by the egos of men in suits. In the words of Ali, if they can’t get along they should get it on! Top Rank/Golden Boy tourney anyone?


Questions or comments,
e-mail
Martin Wade: Mar10world@aol.com
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